Sunday, December 28, 2014
I love New Years Eve. More then that, I love making new years resolutions. Generally, every new year I like to make about 3 resolutions. One general, one practical, and one personalized. I usually meet my resolutions too! They are very motivating for me. Its weather or not I maintain is the issue.
Anyway! This year I only have two, because well, one of them is going to take a lot of work!
My New Year Resolutions for 2015 are:
1) To discover this brilliant thing called self control, and develop some!
2) Nest my bedroom and create the most inviting atmosphere possible.
As it is, I basically live without boundaries. I follow my ID where ever it takes me and call it my "free spirit". In the moment, doing what ever I feel like is super fun. It gives me a false sense of control. I like eating whatever I want, buying whatever I want, and doing whatever I want. I do have some boundaries (like don't have sex with strangers) but generally I do whatever will make me happy in the moment. If you want to get physcoanalytical, I am sure there is something deeply wrong with the excitement I get from being able to go to the store, buy a bunch of junk food, and have a binge fest while watching my seventh hour of Supernatural. The problem is that these behaviors have a negative effect on the goals I am consistently trying to reach. I tend to find myself in a yo-yo situation, feeling the constant push and pull of what I want in the moment, and what I really want out of my life.
Honestly, I am tired of having the conflict. I would like to get rid of it, and now I have the perfect excuse: I'm 30 years old, and its time to grow up. That simple.
So! here is where the resolution comes in. I will set up boundaries for myself, and deeply commit to certain desires I want for my life. I want to be happy, healthy, strong and fit, and dedicate my life to helping others.
The easiest boundary to set up would revolve around food, and the choices I make. I will only put nutrient-dense foods into my system. Instead of eating for pure pleasure, I will eat for fuel. I am an active person, and I genuinely love working out. I would like to start seeing results from my efforts, but as it is I ruin it by eating too much or just pure crap. I anticipate the first month will be difficult. Sugar detox is pretty intense. But I will start seeing food in terms of protein, fat, and complex carbohydrates, which should help avert me from useless foods.
Its not just food though, the last two years were really hard on me. I was in a relationship that tore me down so badly I had to go to therapy and get on anti-anxiety meds. I am happy to report that after almost an entire year of trying to heal myself after the relationship failed, I am finally back to my former self. I didn't realize it until I was at my best friends wedding a few weeks ago that I am back to my original self, and she is awesome! I don't ever want to lose myself again. Ever. I will never let anyone ever tear me down again. So I will make social boundaries for myself as well. I will keep unhealthy people out of my life. I wont date boys who don't like me (wow, doesn't that sound obvious? well, it wasn't before), I wont chase anyones friendship, and I wont hesitate to walk away the minute anyone becomes hostile to my happiness. Wow, doesn't that sound incredibly selfish? Maybe, but I refuse to play around with my well-being anymore. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life then be around someone who hurts me emotionally (or physically). Here's the easiest way to look at it: I will start to treat myself as though I am my own best friend. I wont let anyone hurt me anymore. Period.
If feeling pretty good about developing self control, although now that I have set boundaries, the difficult part will be implementing them. I anticipate I will learn a lot this year, and I am so excited to see the positive effects this self control will have.
Currently I live in my dads house, so that I can keep my loans minimal while I am in school. Also, having live-in childcare is invaluable! I am lucky enough to have my own room, even if it is the smallest space in the entire house. Its so small that even two objects being out of place makes it feel crowded and messy. Coming home from a busy day at school followed by a rowdy night at work to a messy, crowded room sucks. It can make my head ache and my chest tighten. Coming home to a clean, comfy, and functional space can immediately change my mood and relax me. Waking up to the same can inspire me to take on the day like a champ.
I've set up a road map:
1) Throw away anything I don't need, and will never need.
2) Store anything I love, but don't need on a daily basis
3) Find a spot for everything left.
4) Clean out the closet (uuuuuuugggghhhhhhh)
5) Purchase new bedding that is super comfy and pretty
6) Keep it simple; dont let crap pile up.
This process may take a few months or more, but it will be a project I will happily complete.
Anyway, so those are my 2015 Resolutions, what are yours??? Seriously, I'm dying to know!