Broken Blood

From what I understand, this whole Fearless Friday link-up is based around the idea of posting a topic that one would otherwise be afraid to due to possible backlash or shame.  Well I have a subject that I have been tip-toeing around which has given me a surprising amount of writers block, and this is the perfect opportunity to get it off my chest. 

Fact: when one of your best friends says to you, “You can tell me anything!” she absolutely means it.  However, she does not mean that you should attack her character or insult her.  What she means by “anything” is that time you lost your wallet in Vegas so you decided to do some strange for some change to earn a plane ticket home, or the body you buried that summer you were 19 and accidently hit that guy with your car.  What she doesn’t want you to say is something that will break her, because her feelings will get hurt, and most likely you are being a huge bitch anyway.  If you do say something insensitive, and you do end up hurting her, do not throw the whole “You told me I could tell you anything!” card in her face, that’s just rude.

I know these things from personal (recent) experience.  Unfortunately this friend who took advantage of my invitation to be honest with me happened to be my sister. Yup, my own flesh and blood.  Its one thing that she hurt me by attacking my character and making me feel horrible about myself, and has yet to apologize, but after what she said I know I can no longer trust her. Even if she did apologize or even take back what was said, I would never be able to be in the same room as her without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Every time I speak Ill be hoping I’m saying the right thing, or wonder weather or not she’s judging me. 

This is actually a gaping wound in my heart that won’t heal.  I can’t fix it, she doesn’t care to fix it, and I feel like I have lost a huge part of myself.  The part of myself that identified with my sisterhood.  I am so sad everyday, and I feel more alone then ever.  I've lost my best friend.  There is nothing I can do.  I wish I never met her for coffee that day.